“Muriel”, I asked, “why did the masters want me
to leave Findhorn and return to Los Angeles?”
Having flown into town the previous day, I was
having a private counseling session with Muriel at the Lighted Way. Muriel used
psychological and spiritual counseling as a means of financially supporting the
work of the metaphysical center. Most of the clients were not regular students
at the Lighted Way. Some people came for serious psychotherapy, others for
psychic readings or healings.
Muriel channeled: “The masters wanted you to
visit Findhorn, but not to stay there permanently. Because they knew you would
like it there, they arranged a test of your obedience; they also wanted you to
learn and grow through experiencing other lifestyles”.
Muriel was not in a meditation state, but had
been channeling with her eyes wide open as if in normal conversation.
Apparently her years of practice had enabled her to channel while in normal,
everyday consciousness.
She continued: “In coming back, you have
experienced much growth and development in maturity and understanding. You feel
a strong urge now to want to help others”.
Listening intently, I mentally agreed with what
she said.
“The New Age cannot be just groups of people
living in remote communes”, she explained. “These retreats are good, but they
are not the New Age. Our way is to fully integrate into the world and bring
light into it. Integrating is a more difficult path than living in a retreat.
The masters want you in Los Angeles to help pioneer the path of being in the
world, but not of the world”.
After a pause, I asked with concern, “Should I
try to return to my old job?”
“Know that you are blessed by 'God,'“ she
replied. “Doors will open. Go and see your old boss. If it is in God's will,
things will work out with him”.
My former boss was pleased to see me. After
some thought, he offered me a job, and I began commercial employment again.
As I resumed attending classes at the Lighted
Way, I noticed a change in the emphasis of Muriel's teachings. Instead of
focusing upon channeling the masters, she now channeled “the Father”. The
change was subtle, but the teachings had a much more devotional and religious
flavor than the former intellectual metaphysical teachings. Muriel claimed that
she had undergone a certain initiation that enabled her to channel “the Father”
directly. In the groups, we began to
spend time praying to “the Father”, almost as one would in a Christian church.
The channelings were even cloaked in language similar to that in the King James
Version of the Bible. During one of the light circle channeling sessions, a
student channeled the following message: “When you wake up in the morning and
start the day, first go to the Father in prayer and ask him, 'Father, what wilt
thou have me do this day to glorify thy name?'”
The channeling left a deep impression on me.
The following morning I set up a small altar in my apartment. On the top of the
altar I placed two silver candlesticks containing tall white candles. The altar
also had an incense holder on it. After lighting the candles and incense, I
knelt before the altar and prayed, “Father, what wilt thou have me do this day
to glorify thy name?”
I then meditated and opened myself to any
instructions that “the Father” may have had for me. I decided that each morning
I would start my period of devotional prayer and meditation with this
invocation to “the Father”.
One evening, I went to bed as usual. Closing my
eyes, I suddenly felt soothing energy filling my entire body. As I opened my
eyes again, I saw that the bedroom was filled with green light, as if a green
arc lamp had been switched on to fill the room with light.
I concluded that the masters must be sending
light into the room. I tried to fall asleep but was unable to do so. Every time
I opened my eyes, the room was still filled with the green light. Feeling a
deep serenity and sense of peace, I did not sleep one wink all night.
Expecting to feel quite tired at work the next
day, I was surprised to discover that I had plenty of energy, just as if I had
had an excellent night's sleep.
The next night, exactly the same thing
occurred. I did not sleep at all, but felt peaceful tranquility as my bedroom
was filled with light. Again the mystical light - this time blue - was present
all night long.
In the morning I felt perfectly rested. I
worked hard all day at my job, had plenty of energy, and felt alert, in spite
of the fact that I had not had a single second of sleep during two consecutive
nights.
At the next class, I asked Muriel what she
thought had been happening to me.
“Angels were attending you and giving you
healing energy, she stated, as if channeling the information.
Unfortunately, I could not see any effects of
this “healing” energy upon my health problems; my ailments were still fully
evident. I reasoned that perhaps remission of my symptoms would occur later,
but was disappointed when no healing occurred. In fact, the longer I was
associated with the New Age movement, the worse my health became - in spite of
the numerous “healings” I had received from Muriel and other New Age healers
during special healing services and other private appointments.
Several months later Muriel phoned me
unexpectedly while I was at my desk at work. “Last night the Father awakened me”,
she reported. “He spoke to me and told me that we will need six thousand
dollars in order to prepare new lesson materials and start an intensive
advertising thrust to promote new classes at the Lighted Way. The Father
instructed me to call up the disciples and ask them for contributions toward
this project”.
Without giving much thought to what had been
said, I replied, “Well, Muriel, let me see what I can do”.
During our Sunday morning services I had always
given at least a twenty-dollar offering. On several occasions I gave a generous
one-hundred-dollar donation. However, this was the first time that Muriel had
ever spoken to me directly and asked for special donations to support the
activity of the Lighted Way.
After work, I went to a nearby automatic teller
machine to check how much money I had available in my account. There was just
over five hundred dollars - all the money I had in the world. My trip to
England and the stay at Findhorn had depleted all of my savings.
Having strong faith in the ability of “God” to
take care of all my financial needs, I decided to immediately send Muriel a
check for five hundred dollars. It was all the money I had; what more could I
do? I did not even meditate on the matter. I simply wrote out a check and put
it in the mail. I was happy to be a child of “God” and know I was under the
special care and protection of my master. I had total trust in Djwhal Khul and
his ability to help me wisely plan my life and obtain whatever resources I needed.
Two days later, I awoke with an uneasy feeling
inside. A powerful thought in my mind indicated that I needed to send another
five hundred dollars to Muriel immediately.
I got up and proceeded to carry out my morning
meditation. I began with prayer and said, “Father, what wilt thou have me do
this day to glorify thy name?”
“Send another five hundred dollars”, the inner
voice of my higher self confirmed.
I didn't feel good about this answer, knowing I
had no more money left. But when I reviewed my finances, I discovered that,
with my payroll check going into the bank the following day, I would have just
sufficient funds available to cover the check. I concluded that this was a time
when sacrifices were needed, even though I felt uneasy about cutting my
finances so close.
After I dropped the check in a local mailbox, I
noticed the uneasy feeling lifted, as if a release had occurred in my nervous
system in response to my obeying the inner direction.
I had known Muriel for more than four years,
and she had told me that since the time she originally started the Lighted Way
some twenty years before, she had used up all of her personal resources in
order to support the ongoing expenses of operating the center. She once told me
that she had even sold her house in order to pay for the work of the masters.
Her sacrifice had been tremendous.
Knowing that Muriel had been brought up in a
relatively wealthy and cultured family, I realized it must have been very
difficult for her to ask me for money, even though the funds were to be used to
finance the work of the Hierarchy. I had absolutely no doubt that Muriel had
been specifically directed by her spirit guidance to ask the disciples for
special donations.
A couple of days after sending the second
donation, a sick feeling filled the pit of my stomach as I awoke. In the front
of my mind was the powerful thought that I needed to send more money to Muriel.
Intuitively, I was aware that the amount needed was one thousand dollars.
Apprehensively I thought to myself: No, this
can't be. I don't have any more money. This idea must be merely rubbish coming
from my mind's own nonsense realms.
I decided that I had better do some deep
meditating to find out just what was going on. “Father, what wilt thou have me
do this day so that I might glorify thy name?” I asked sincerely in prayer.
The morning meditation was confusing. In my emotionally
turbulent state I couldn't meditate clearly. So I decided to go to work and
meditate further on the matter when I returned home in the evening.
Returning from work, as usual, I lighted
candles and incense upon the altar in my apartment. Kneeling down before the
altar, I prayed: “Dear heavenly Father, I ask that you will give me clear
guidance regarding the financial donations required for the Lighted Way. Please
reveal to me clearly if you want me to send a thousand dollars at this time”.
I then meditated while still on my knees,
holding my hands clasped as in prayer.
The inner voice of conscience quietly spoke to
me. “Yes”, it said. “You need to send a check for one thousand dollars right
away. The money is needed to carry on the work of bringing more people into a
knowledge of the New Age. We need more people on the path of discipleship”.
In my own thinking, I protested: “How am I
supposed to send money when I have nothing left in my bank account?”
The inner voice of meditation replied
immediately, “You have credit cards. Use them”.
An uncomfortable apprehension flooded over me.
The heart chakra area of my back felt very warm.
I then protested that I regarded my credit
cards as a source of cash only in an emergency.
“This is an emergency”, the inner voice
rebuked. “The money is needed now to do my work”.
After a few moments of contemplation, I
reluctantly decided to end my resistance and send the money, even though I felt
uncomfortable and tense about what was happening.
I made out the check and took it to a mailbox.
As I dropped the envelope into the box, my apprehension suddenly disappeared.
The anxiety vanished, as if by magic it had been lifted from me.
I now had to transfer funds from my MasterCard
account into my checking account to cover the check. Thinking about my
finances, I reasoned that realistically I could afford what I had given and
would soon be able to pay off the credit card account.
Two days later when I awakened in the morning,
a tune was playing in my mind. I could hear the lyrics as clearly as if I were
listening to a radio playing through stereo headphones:
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Take it to the limit...
I remembered the song to have been a hit pop
number several years previously. Accompanying the tune was a powerful thought
that I needed to send another thousand-dollar check to Muriel. In my
imagination, I could clearly see a check with $1,000 written on it. Horror
filled the pit of my stomach. “Oh, no! When is this thing going to end?” I
exclaimed to myself.
Climbing out of bed, I thought: Don't panic;
maybe the idea of donating more money is just emotional nonsense. Surely “God”
would not want me to go into debt, not when I have zero assets to my name. I
tried to stay calm and objective. Maybe this time the masters were just joking
around.
As I showered, the song still ran through my
mind.
Take it to the limit,
Oh, take it to the limit,
la,la,la
Take it to the limit,
oh, oh, oh
Take it to the limit...
I felt depressed and terribly frustrated about
the whole situation and decided not to send any money at this time. All day at
work the song kept playing in my mind, over and over and over again. I had
never sung this song to myself before; it wasn't even my type of music,
although I could remember the number playing on jukeboxes in the bars I had
frequented years before.
Deciding that I was not prepared to go into
debt to finance Muriel's center, I refused to send any more money. Besides, I
sometimes had reservations about the things Muriel said. I had wondered if all
of her messages and directions really came from a “divine” source. I suspected
that one or two strange channelings may have come from astral entities. [Note: Metaphysics postulates that there
are low-intelligence entities existing on the lower levels of the spirit
realms, or astral planes. These entities include fairies, hobgoblins, and
ghosts. It is claimed that sometimes a channeler can accidentally receive
messages from these mischievous astral beings.] Sometimes Muriel said things
that just did not seem to square with what had been written by Djwhal Kuhl in
the Bailey books. Sometimes she said things that just didn't feel right. I
considered my decision not to send more money to be final.
Although my mind was made up, my decision did
not affect the way I felt. Severe depression began to build inside me. It was
almost as if I were under a spell of oppression. The lyrics “take it to the
limit ..”. were constantly bombarding my mind. No matter what I did, I could
not erase these words from my mind. They were there when I ate, when I spoke on
the phone, when I used my computer, and when I tried to deliberately sing a
different song.
Hounding commands accompanied the lyrics.
“You have to send the money”, the voice of
conscience blasted.
“One thousand dollars”, it repeated.
Arriving home after work, I meditated. The
inner voice sternly rebuked, “You must send the money. Send it now!”
For once, I did not want to listen to my higher
self. I wished it to be silenced. But it was relentless.
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Send it; send the check.
One thousand dollars.
Take it to the limit,
la,la,la.
Getting down on my knees before the altar, I
prayed to “God”. “Dear heavenly Father, deeply I come before you and pray that
you will bring me wisdom and clarity of mind. I do not want to do anything
foolish. Please show me clearly what you want me to do in regard to financially
supporting the Lighted Way. I ask that I am aligned to your will and that you
will protect me from all false and astral influences”.
After a pause to meditate, I continued the
prayer. “Father, I really mean it when each day I start my meditation with the
words 'What wilt thou have me do this day?'”
“Use your MasterCard!” the voice thundered.
I thought, How far is this going to go?
“I also want you to immediately apply for
credit-limit increases”, the voice interjected.
A cold shiver shot down my spine.
“Don't worry. You will be blessed in what you
are doing”, the higher self assured. “The Father is with you”.
I felt awful. The sickly depression
intensified. I perceived, I was resisting the will of “God”.
I thought to myself, “If I send this one
thousand dollars, will the masters then want me to give even more?”
I decided I had better get the check written. I
couldn't stand the tension, anxiety, and depression any longer. The lyrics of
the song were driving me crazy.
As I wrote out the check, I wondered whether
the severe depression resulted from separation from God caused by my
disobedience.
I drove over to the mail-deposit box. As soon
as I dropped the envelope into the box, the sickly depression lifted instantly.
I also noticed that the music in my head had gone. In the welcome silence, I
felt “normal” again.
When I woke up the next morning, the first
thing I did was check out my mind. Nothing unusual was there. No powerful
thoughtforms were telling me to make further donations. I breathed a big sigh
of relief.
About a week passed in relative peace. Then one
early morning I woke up with a new idea implanted in my mind. I needed to
immediately donate two thousand dollars to the Lighted Way.
“Oh, no! Not again!” I protested in anger.
I hesitantly climbed out of bed and took a
shower. As I was showering, suddenly the music and words, “Take it to the
limit, oh, oh, oh...” burst into my mind. The music and the words were as
clear as if I wore headphones connected to a cassette. Hearing every note in
stereo was an amazing, but horrifying experience.
“What should I do now?” I asked myself loudly.
There was no answer. All I could hear was the
song. “Take it to the limit...”
After dressing, I fell down on my knees in
front of the altar.
As I meditated, the imagery of meditation now
pictured a check with a figure of $3,000 written on it. Thinking to myself that
three thousand dollars was ludicrous, I decided to immediately write a check for
two thousand dollars without any further resistance or protest. I was not
prepared to resist any longer and risk going through all that terrible
depression again. If the Hierarchy wanted a further one thousand dollars, they
could have it. The pain of resisting was not worth it. It was better to just do
what they wanted and get it over with.
I reasoned that the masters knew what they were
doing; they would just have to help me pay back all the accumulated debt. It
was useless to resist.
After sending the check for two thousand
dollars, I transferred funds from my Visa account into my checking account to
prevent the check from bouncing. What a relief not to feel any more anxiety
that day. It was better to obey than put up useless resistance against the will
of “God”.
I believed that through my obedience I was
building for myself a place in the kingdom of “God” and that I would be blessed
with rewards of joy and abundance on account of every penny I spent on “God's”
precious work.
The next morning, sure enough, the song was
there again. “Take it to the limit, one more time”.
I intuitively knew a thousand dollars was
needed.
The emphasis of the song's words was now on the
final phrase, “one more time”. I wondered if the emphasis indicated that this
check would be my last donation.
The inner voice explained, “You should have
sent the full three thousand dollars, just as you were instructed yesterday.
Send the outstanding one thousand dollars right now”.
I wrote out the check without resistance. That
check brought my total donation over the two-week period to a total of six
thousand dollars, the very a mount Muriel had asked for.
The music did not return, perhaps because my
credit cards had been taken to their credit limit.
At this stage in my New Age experience, I was
becoming totally “possessed” by the spirit demons. I had little ability to
resist their telepathic manipulation of my emotions and control of my
conscience. Some incredible changes were soon to take place in my life.
---------------------------
Chapter 8
---------------------------
Chapter 8
